The Safe Space Called Home
Home. The place that we call home is sacred. It is a Mikdash Me’at, a sanctuary against the cold, against outside influences, against the evil of the world. It is the place where warm family interactions thrive, hot soup and cookies welcome us, where encouragement and love motivate us to become resilient and uplifted through our life experiences.
Right now there are many of us who aren’t living in our homes. We are praying for each Jewish child and parent, every grandfather and grandmother, all the young men and women who are away from home, to return, with Hashem’s help, in peace and health.
Ultimately, everyone wants to come home, wherever home is. Welcoming our personal friends into our home extends our warmth to include them. We can open our home for those in our midst that don’t have a real home to go to, making our safe space, our home, a place of refuge.
Today’s priority is children feeling free to come home. Children of all ages and stages of life. There should be no place safer than home; physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Yet what if coming home makes other family members nervous or upset?
Students struggling with school exams should feel confident and secure at home, regardless of their level of success in school. They are not always “performing” at optimum, they are “acting out,” they are “making trouble.” Let’s provide that safe space for our teenagers, our children, so they can actually absorb the warmth that they need from their homes. Teachers, parents and grandparents, hold the link to our traditions and our children’s heritage. We also hold the key to their hearts. We need to be inviting, welcoming, and safe. Their inner lives depend on it.
Many of us are under tremendous stress at this time, trying to manage our response to traumatic events as well as trying to answer our children’s difficult questions. We want to function normally, but our nervous system is in hyper-vigilance. Yet, for the sake of ourselves, our friends and our families, we must be present. Normal social contact, a smile, a “good word”, can help raise us up towards more meaningful and positive interactions, helping us all remain resilient. When we feel the need to fight, or the need to run out of a situation, because of our own trauma-based response to a situation, we don’t always realize that we are passing on a different type of legacy, one that we don’t want to give our loved ones.
Studies show that a lack of positive eye contact disturbs the natural attachment that children have to their elders. Looking kindly into their eyes makes children of any age feel heard and appreciated. Smiling with them and putting the phone aside will build this bond anew. This bond is an investment in the future of our People.
A soft, gentle touch from a trusted parent builds a child’s self-confidence and self-image as a lovable person. Place a hand on his shoulder; caress her cheek; dance with the boys when they come home from school; snuggle with the kids before telling them a story. What’s stopping you?
Having warm food, doughnuts or latkes on your table will fill their senses with the wonderful aromas of home. Let those memories be embedded in their heart with your smiling countenance, your supportive words. Children are a gift; let’s make them feel wanted by adding approval and gratefulness for even the little, good things that they do and for all that H’ has given us. This is what matters, this is what gives their life meaning.
Parents set the standard as the original role model for every child; do you know how crucial you are to them? Your home is their safe space, forever embedded in their minds’ eye. Every child ultimately looks to the adults in their lives as the guides for how to live life. Be your child’s guide, be her mentor. You can provide gentle boundaries and rules for them while also being kind and supportive. This is the true Jewish way of life. You are the torch bearer of how to live and how to give, so come and light up their way.
This wintery season, you can provide them with a gift for life that will make them want to come home. Imagine how your smile and warmth, with the light emanating from within, will remain in their hearts when they leave, to take with them. This will then bring them back home again and again…
Do it! It works!
The emotional impact of daily stress, behavior and learning challenges, ADHD, crisis and trauma in Jewish families is real. Would you like to learn more about time-tested interventions that reconnect your family and decrease negative interactions , improving your family experience? Come sign up for a course that will transform your family life forever. Or just call us at 050-410-1251, 052-763-9018 (Israel time) or email: torahparentcoach@gmail.
Please share this page with other families you know. You may just be lighting up their life.
