The teacher of the fourth grade class looks around the classroom in search of a student that he hasn’t called on in the past few days. When his gaze lands on Jonathan, a joyful, rambunctious child, he knows he has found the right student. “Jonathan, it’s your turn to read out loud. Please keep your finger on the spot as you read the verse.”

‘Fantastic,’ reflects Jonathan with a smile. “This time, I know where the class is.” First, Jonathan is clear: “Hashem el Bnei Yisrael, Vayomer Hashem…” Jonathan stops and is at a loss as to what he should do next as he stares at the page. His companions begin to giggle. The teacher keeps his gaze on Jonathan as he waits for him to finish. They can each feel the heat rising up the back of their necks.

“Yes, Jonathan, please go on,” the teacher says soothingly. But he’s already had to deal with Jonathan’s antics in class and isn’t looking forward to this. When Jonathan looks back down at the page, he has no idea which one of the many lines on the page was the one that his finger had just pointed to. Even though Jonathan is intelligent, he is having trouble reading. Embarrassed, he outwardly doesn’t let it get to him.

“This is a verse you should know by heart, Jonathan. Surely you can read it.”  “Rebbi, I just don’t know where we are”, says Jonathan with a sheepish smile.  “How can that be?  You were literally just reading it a moment ago!“, says the teacher. In the face of an obviously impossible child, the teacher has no choice but to give up now. As Jonathan gets pulled aside, he winks at the class, making them all laugh.

Jonathan is an exceptionally bright young man. Teachers and doctors have missed the fact that he suffers from a vision disorder.  Because he’s able to comprehend and retain a vast amount of information by heart, he usually seems to know what’s going on, but he never studies, takes his exams seriously, or does his homework. He doesn’t wear glasses because his teachers and the neighborhood optometrist think he has excellent vision. People who know him say he’s innovative and bright but prefers to spend his time playing. That is, until you meet his parents and teachers, who are fed up with his unruly demeanor and propensity to challenge normal routines.

No Longer at Risk but…

The well-known medication Ritalin has now been prescribed to Jonathan after he was diagnosed with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). A group of doctors, including a pediatrician, a neurologist, a psychologist, and an audiologist, recommended it for him.

He is no longer disruptive in the classroom, as he once was. He’s been better about following directions.  He is making an effort to keep up with the class and now has a tutor. In light of the medication’s ability to reduce his symptoms that are causing stress in his environment, he will also no longer be considered an “at-risk” student (a person who is likely to drop out of school and engage in inappropriate behavior). At least for the time being. He might choose, as is often the case, to stop taking the medication when he enters independence in his teenage years.

Nevertheless, in Jonathan’s case, he will never be able to play ping-pong or ride his bike safely because of the fact that he has a diagnosable, developmental vision disorder, which affects the ability of his eyes to converge properly and learn visually. Even though his IQ is excellent, which allows him to memorize material, in all likelihood, he will not achieve his potential greatness in Torah studies, no matter how much his parents support him. He might work in a low-paying job, be frustrated by his inability to achieve what his mind could have allowed him and develop a low self-image or worse. This is not a worst case scenario—this has happened to countless numbers of bright children in today’s world.

Jonathan could have been one of the best students in his class within three months to a year, if he had received a proper diagnosis and therapy from a certified optometrist trained in newer technology. He would no longer feel the need to be the class clown in order to get by, as each success would have raised his self-confidence and unlocked his natural intelligence. He could have walked through the gates of learning and the doors of opportunity could have flung open for him. 

In the case of Sam, another child diagnosed with AD/HD and Dyslexia, his parents decided to pursue the matter further and were referred to B’Derech HaMelech, a program that addresses many types of normal, child raising issues, including ADHD and Dyslexia treatment. They then referred the parents to a specialist in behavioral vision disorders in Jerusalem. Because he has received the proper treatment, Sam, like many other bright children with similar disorders, has surpassed far beyond what his potential seemed to have been in fourth grade. He has become a successful, self-assured yeshiva student with an excellent reputation in his school. He taught himself to play the piano and understands hands-on, technical problems in house repairs while excelling in his studies. Many children have been assisted and alleviated of various symptoms or disorders with or without medication, thanks to modern technological, nutritional, medical and psychological advancements.

Research conducted by numerous universities across the United States, the United Kingdom, Canada, and European countries have proven that there are many conditions that closely mimic AD/HD-type behavior and are not being diagnosed properly. This means that the symptoms might actually be pointing to other testing and documentation necessary in the average doctor’s office. Diagnoses based only on the symptoms reported are challenging and need time and patience to discover whether there is a differential diagnosis.

A lack of information available to parents and health care professionals today puts children with Attention Deficit Disorder, AD/HD, dyslexia, CD, and other learning or behavior disorders, at risk of being misdiagnosed. This does not deny the fact that certain children undoubtedly have disabilities that hinder their capabilities, and need specific educational arrangements, medicine and occupational therapies.

No small part of this whole-child approach is the parental piece of the puzzle. Parents gaining skills in properly dealing with their child who is not “like everyone else” is a major part of the aid required to put these children back on the right track with their learning and behavior. Mothers and fathers are the most important players as to whether a child will be successful in overcoming any difficulty.

Diagnosis, and then what?

Many of the professionals who diagnose these children are doing the best they can under difficult conditions, according to B’Derech HaMelech coordinator and author, Mrs. Eydl Reznik. Children with behavioral or academic issues face a never-ending cycle of pressure from their parents, teachers, and the school system itself: parents want answers now, teachers want their classes under control, and the school system wants everyone to finish the curriculum on time. “What’s wrong with my child?” is a common question parents ask their pediatricians. The doctors, on the other hand, are asking the same thing. In fact, some children may have one or more conditions, some of which could necessitate medication. The problem is that many of them don’t actually suffer from clearly definable medical issues, but something else entirely.

Based on data that has been collected over 20 years, this program has delineated eight separate topics, which allows to more accurately identify and guide parents as to what course of action would be best to address their child’s challenges. 

In order to get these children functioning better at home and in the classroom and help alleviate the stress involved in the family’s dynamics, parents get trained to identify the issues and move to action. Together with proper testing, new skills and suggested therapies, parents become better advocates for their child’s issues and allow their child to reach their highest potential, sometimes even surpassing average students in the classroom.

Some of these children require major dietary changes or nutritional improvements because of blood sugar imbalances, malnutrition or unidentified allergies. Others suffer from sleep apnea or other sleep disorders that prevent the child from getting rejuvenated through sleep, severely affecting his ability to concentrate or have self-control during the day time. Others are suffering the repercussions of early traumatic events.  Some conditions necessitate the expertise of specialists in their respective fields. Alternative therapies may also be helpful in calming a child’s immune system, or alleviating PTSD.

“In many cases, doctors are unable to refer a parent to the appropriate therapies or guidelines because they lack the information they need to ask the right questions,” says Mrs. Reznik. 

Researchers have discovered a number of conditions that can have a significant impact on a child’s cognitive and behavioral abilities, both at home and at school. Many findings from research studies have yet to be incorporated into professional medical practices, which are not built to address all of the emotional, spiritual and practical needs that individual children and their families require. 

As a result, Adderall, Ritalin, Attend, and other medications, such as Prozac, may end up being prescribed for these mysterious syndromes, besides the syndromes they are designated for. People who have first-hand experience with these children are all beneficiaries of this effort. It occasionally makes some of the patients more socially competent, predictable in their behavior, and better able to concentrate on the task at hand. However, it doesn’t always solve the underlying issue.”

Sometimes serious, medical conditions are the culprit, and blood tests and neurological examinations are critical in determining the true nature of particular symptoms. However, the majority of conditions that result in behavioral and academic difficulties cannot be detected through a routine blood test. In many children, blood sugar sensitivities are not always detectable with the current testing methods that are used to diagnose disease onset.  Multi-modal symptoms, and when they occur, can be followed and detected by conscientious parents, teachers, doctors, and other professionals who have researched literature that can help these children get the help they need. 

B’Derech HaMelech has developed a questionnaire referral system to save time and help these children as quickly as possible by assessing the child’s most likely areas of need (there may be more than one) and referring the parents or professionals to the most useful therapy or strategy that would affect their particular child, putting the child back on track. It is possible to perform some of the techniques at home, while others require testing and diagnosis in a doctor’s office. Teachers and school administrators work together to ensure that the child is taught in a manner that is appropriate for him or her, as mandated by the Torah. Parents must be at the forefront of this effort. Parents learning how to develop trust, loving borders and attachment skills in their family, motivates children to make the changes necessary to improve the family’s dynamic.

Gifted Children

Children who are highly intelligent, gifted, multi-tasking and creative have been the focus of some of the most fascinating studies. The following example exemplifies the challenges these children can present:

Eight-year-old Sarah’s new teacher was told that this thoughtful student is very bright and concentrates better when doing something with her hands during class time. Because of this, the teacher quickly stated that allowing Sarah to color or play with fidget toys in the classroom would encourage all the other students to do so as well. However, as soon as the teacher saw that Sarah is unable to concentrate unless she is doing two or more things at once, she decided to conduct her own experiments to find out if this was indeed helpful for Sarah. She handed out fidget toys to all of the students in the classroom and then proceeded to teach the most challenging material of the day. It was only Sarah and one other girl in the class who could respond correctly when she asked them questions about the subject matter. The other students were too preoccupied to pay attention to what the teacher was saying.  

Children like Sarah, who are adept at multitasking are not just playing games. Sarah’s intelligence was further tested by the teacher. On a particular day, after Sarah had spent all morning playing with the Velcro math equations that were mounted on the wall next to her, the teacher asked her a more difficult question about the topic she was teaching. Unwaveringly, Sarah correctly answered the teacher’s question. She actually fared better when she was being challenged intellectually and not using a “fidget” toy.

Some of these children, whether they are multi-tasking, spontaneous thinkers, or creative, hands-on learners, are constantly upsetting the “system” in the classroom or at home. Even though these children are exceptionally bright and inquisitive, they struggle mightily in a classroom where students are expected to focus on one task at a time. They often do not get the recognition for their intelligence as a result.  Instead of getting mad at the system, parents and teachers can learn how to help these kids help themselves through creative note-taking and other methods that build on the child’s natural ability to learn and understand information better than others. 

Because their needs are not met, they are bored, “act out,” and are difficult to work with. If they are having difficulty focusing, they are often diagnosed with AD/HD. Parents who advocate for their children, raise teachers’ and administrators’ awareness of the fact that a child can learn cooperatively and quietly if their needs are recognized in the classroom. As a result, the child’s relationships with all of his or her primary caregivers are strengthened, and he or she gains a greater sense of self-worth and respect among their peers.

It is not uncommon to hear the following descriptions applied to many of these children: lazy, wild, naive, difficult, spaced-out, or uncooperative. The child, on the other hand, believes otherwise, “There is nothing wrong with me. I’m not lazy, stupid, or crazy. But who am I really? What is wrong with me?” This is the beginning of a dangerous downward spiral in which their self-confidence is being systematically destroyed. This has the unfortunate effect of leading many intelligent children to go off the Derech. As a result, these bright students can be classified as “at-risk” or “high-risk.”

According to psychotherapist Mrs. Ilana Trachtman, “early intervention in these children’s lives can change the entire course of their development. An accurate and timely diagnosis can help children with even minor classroom issues, such as poor concentration or developmental delays. As the child ages, their inability to function “just like all the other kids” is exacerbated by a lack of self-esteem and a reduction in school time. The child quickly reaches frustrating levels of not understanding the material being taught, necessitating further intervention, such as tutors and loss of playtime, because of missed lessons.”

Reach out today to learn how Torah Parent Coach, B’Derech HaMelech, can help you and your children.

Who we are

 B’DERECH HAMELECH is a team of chareidi educators, a psychologist and a recovery life coach who are also parents of large families. As far as Torah education goes, they’re experts. It’s been twenty years since this group began their research, which is constantly updated, and they’ve found information and resources that aren’t always available to the public, especially in the chareidi sector. Parents, teachers, and therapists, as well as concerned professionals, are the primary beneficiaries of the group’s guidance. 

In some cases, parents can see results in just a few days or weeks after using these methods. If there is an option for treating and curing a child’s condition, what parents, teachers or doctors would not want that for their child? In addition to training parents one-on-one and in large lecture groups, B’Derech HaMelech also teaches teachers and principals at school administration-sponsored meetings on how to spot the early signs of many conditions that can cause children to be difficult in the classroom. 

Staff from B’Derech HaMelech have lectured at the Nefesh Conference, teacher’s meetings, train parents internationally on Zoom and address live audiences in major Israeli cities. They have published informative articles in Mishpacha, Bina Magazine and other Jewish periodicals. They are popular lecturers in the Northern Israeli family project “Bishvil HaMishpacha”.  Please reach out today to learn more about the programs offered and receive the support to help your family.

This article was originally featured in Mishpacha Magazine